Ladies, it’s time for an intervention. I know, I have been defending you up to this point, but your behavior in the recent decade or so has become a menace to society and as a lefty, I will not stand for it!
First of all, did you know that your marriage patterns are directly related to the widening gap between the rich and the poor? I always told you the personal is political! Yes, I am talking to you, female law graduate: your choice to date the PhD candidate over the lumberjack is threatening the social fabric of a society so clearly centred around upwards mobility!
After all, if you privileged, well-educated young ladies aren’t going for the poor guys, who will? Not the rest of you either! Especially lower class ladies are choosing not to -gasp!- get married at all! Not only is that selfish behavior creating an army of rejected men (but I leave that to the MRAs), but it encourages government reliance and, most importantly: won’t anyone think of the children? You’re depriving them of a two-parent household, and thus of a fair chance at a future! Plus, you yourself will end up looking sad and exhausted like the lady in the picture illustrating this article.
But ladies, it’s not all your fault. Who made you aspire to careers you couldn’t have in the first place? Who tricked you into believing that marriage wasn’t your best option? That’s right: feminists! They are to blame for society’s evils, regardless of whether you’re left or right. Be it the decline of traditional marriage or of the welfare state, the feminist agenda is behind everything. I mean, I could link these changes to capitalism gone rogue, to neoliberal government policies, the outsourding of manufacturing jobs, lack of education and reproductive rights, changing gender norms and racial and sexual discrimination. But that would require an actual analysis of causality rather than mere correlation, and if journalists can’t be bothered with that, neither can I.